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July 3rd, 2006

2:29 PM

A Year Like This One...

after a year like this one i'm surpised i do not hate your guts

and, after a year like this one i'm surprised i still love music just as much

after a year like this one i'm surprised i did not eat my young

and, after a year like this one i'm sorry if i'm not cordiall to everyone

after a year like this one i'm surprised i am convinced at all

and, after a year like this one i do not roll my eyes at the cynical

after a year like this one i can't help but wonder how they've been

and, after a year like this one i think i'llleave it all to my next of kin

after a year like this one i'm surprised we're all not raving drunks

and, after a year like this one i want you to choose the restaraunt

after a year like this one i'll need a good whole sixteen months alone

and, after a year like this one i think i'll make the west coach beaches my new home...

A.M.

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February 15th, 2006

5:22 PM

How...

so very many things have come to mind lately...how repulsive it is that someone would post sexual links as a comment on a previous post...how it is that perpetrators simply tend to "live" with their sickness, leaving survivors to fight for healing and oneness...

how i ran across a website the other day - written by a survivor of child pornography who summed up the issue of "shame" in an ironic way...stating that lots of little girls and teenagers dream of being "cover-girls" and "super-models" - and the realization that  is what we are - the cover-girls for the the child porn crowd.  The super-models for those predators and perpetrators who rape children.  i would credit that author if i could remember her/his name or the site...any misquote is unintentional...

how odd it is - to know that there are pictures and movies that chronicle and validate my abuse floating through cyberspace...realizing that i cannot legally search for them without fear of investigation...and also knowing that my humiliation serves to feed others fantasies...

how extreme it feels - to know that my individual experience was part of a much larger and frighteningly more organized agenda - whose range of power forces me to limit any diatribe...

 

XOXOXO - Scarlett

 

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